The Unwritten Rules of Baseball

Baseball has rules, lots of them. To the casual observer, it seems that it has too many. What they don’t know is that there’s a whole bunch of other unwritten rules that you won’t find in any rulebook. These come from back in the day, where there was (and still is) a mutual gentleman’s agreement to not humiliate each other on the playing field. This is to help preserve each other’s jobs, as your job security is always on thin ice when you’re a professional baseball player. Most of these unwritten rules revolves around the golden rule:

1. Don’t show up your opponent. Remember, the idea is to not humiliate your opponent. You want to win, but you also want the other guy to keep his job – so doing anything to show them up is strictly not tolerated. These can be broken down into the following:

2. Don’t steal bases, bunt, swing at 3-0 pitches or do anything to otherwise run up the score when you’re ahead by a large margin. You’re up by a large amount. The opponent looks beaten with a couple of innings left to play and it’s unlikely they’ll be coming back. They just want the game to end, but unfortunately all 9 innings have to be played. The worst thing you can do is try and run up the score to add to their misery. It is clear that winning is the name of the game, but there’s winning and there’s taking the rip by trying to add more runs and make them look bad. This is not tolerated and trying to manufacture runs when you’re already up by a ton isn’t cool.

3. Don’t steal bases, bunt or strut after home runs when behind by a large margin. The opposite is also true. If your team is way behind late in the game and you’re out there trying to give it large when you don’t realistically have a chance of winning is also considered poor form. You’re mainly delaying the inevitable and you look like a damn fool for elongating a foregone conclusion.

4. Don’t swing at the first pitch after the pitcher has allowed back-to-back home runs. The pitcher is clearly having a poor time, don’t add to the guy’s misery by swinging at the first pitch he throws you. It shows lack of respect at his abilities as a pitcher.

5. Don’t show up your fielders or teammates. Errors happen. People make mistakes in the heat of competition. But don’t be one of those guys that vents frustration and angrily tears down teammates in front of the entire stadium and the millions watching on TV. Don’t do that. If you have grievances, that’s what the bench and the locker room is for.

6. Don’t excessively celebrate hitting a home run. We’ve all seen it. Bat flipping, pointing or staring at the ball, celebrating before the ball has even left the field. Whilst it’s exciting for us fans to watch, it’s seen as disrespectful to the pitching team. This cannot go unpunished.

7. Throwing at hitters is the conventional retaliation. The standard retaliation for any of these infractions is for the pitcher to hit the next batter up. This is known as drilling and this is how bad blood is exhibited or violations of the unwritten rules are punished. If one of your teammates has done any of the following and you’re the next batter up, expect swift retribution. Expect the ball to be thrown at your body or head as a retaliation for your teammates lack of respect.

8. Never rub the area where you were hit by a pitch. Showing pain after being hit by a pitch is seen as cowardly, even if it wasn’t your fault to begin with. Take it like a man, don’t be a bitch. Pitchers are a special breed in the world of baseball, and there are pitcher specific unwritten rules that might seem strange, but they make perfect sense if you’re the man on the mound.

9. Don’t step on the pitcher’s mound. A pitcher’s mound is his office and they don’t take kindly to anyone messing with the mound by walking across it. It doesn’t matter if they’re your teammate or the opponent. Messing with the mound is a sure-fire way of getting drilled or getting punched in the face.

10. Don’t walk in front of the catcher. Another matter of etiquette: the imaginary line connecting the pitcher and catcher must not be broken. Walking around or behind the catcher is seen as good etiquette and cutting across their line of sight is virtually asking for a drilling.

11. Don’t talk to the pitcher during a no hitter. If a pitcher is close to a no-hitter, don’t talk to him. Don’t talk to him, don’t look in his direction, don’t go near him. The pitcher has to maintain his concentration and you distracting or pre-emptively jinxing a perfect game won’t win you any favors from him or your teammates. If a pitcher is perfect, stay the hell away.

12. Don’t bunt during a no-hitter. Whilst perfectly legal, bunting whilst a pitcher is pitching a no-hitter is seen as a cheap and dirty way of ruining his game. If you’re going to ruin perfection, actually swing for the ball – because if you try and fail, it’s at least fair.

13. Pitchers relieved mid-inning must stay in the dugout until the end of the inning. Even though you couldn’t finish what you started, if you’re a pitcher and are replaced mid-inning, it’s customary to watch the guy replacing you until the end of the inning. This shows that you’re supporting your teammate and that you understand that it’s a team-effort. Your individual stats can wait.

14. Don’t hit one of their guys accidentally. If you’ve innocently hit someone with a pitch, expect retaliation anyway. A pitcher’s job is to throw into and around the strike zone and it’s not tolerated to hit the batter even by accident. They’ve thrown pitches their entire lives, there’s no excuses for missing that far out … and the other team knows it.

15. Don’t yell anything when an opposing fielder is trying to catch a ball. Interfering with the fielders as they’re doing their jobs is a dick move. Alex Rodriguez once famously yelled “I got it!” when a Blue Jays player was trying to catch a ball, causing nobody to try and catch it. Even though it’s not illegal to do so, it’s virtually cheating. Don’t be that guy.

16. The center fielder gets the ball. When outfielders are trying to catch a fly ball, unless someone specifically calls for it, generally it’s an unspoken rule that the center fielder that catches the ball and brings it in. As the person who has to cover the most range on the field, they’re usually the ones that get the catch on their stats.

17. Don’t insult the umpire The umpires, love them or hate them, also have jobs to do. Whilst you may disagree with some of their calls, what isn’t tolerated is chewing the guy out for doing his job. As a player, squaring off against an umpire is a huge no-no and absolutely positively do not use the words “You” followed by some form of expletive or insult. This is a sure-fire way of getting ejected from the game.

18. Superstitions, no matter how disgusting, are perfectly acceptable. Wearing thongs, peeing on your hands, and spitting in your hat before wearing it may seem like the habits of someone who belongs in a mental institution, but if you’re a pro baseball player – this is widely acceptable. Don’t question a guy about his weird superstitious quirks and you’ll be fine.

19. Brawling is fair. If a player gets unfairly drilled, or is being drilled as a retaliation and things get ugly, you’re expected to leave the dugout (known as bench clearing) to confront the opposing team. You can choose to fight them or not. The point isn’t to start throwing punches, it’s to show support for your teammates. Staying in the dugout when there’s a brawl happening is very supportive and people will notice that you selfishly hid away from the action.

20. For adult fans: If you catch a foul ball, give it to a nearby kid. As an adult, Let’s assume you have a job and that you bought tickets with your own money. You don’t need a free baseball that you could easily buy at the souvenir shop. If you catch a home run, give it to a kid who’s been probably dreaming about catching a home run ball. At the very least you’ll make their day. Don’t be like this lady who snatches the ball away from a kid and then proceeds to take selfies to post on social media in front of them whilst they’re crying their eyes out. This is the height of Douchebaggery. And absolutely positively do not steal balls from kids. You’re just scum if you do that.

Whether you agree with them or not, whether you think its fair game or not, or whether you think that they’re just plain stupid, the unwritten rules of baseball have been there for over a century and they don’t look like they’ll be changing them anytime soon. Because when sports get ugly, or complicated, there are always people who will stand by and enforce.